Dear Ms. Briana, I am an obsessed with Orlando Bloom and It's becoming uncontrollable. My friends think I'm a freak cuz I go to all his interviews everywhere in the world! And Japan, too! He's so cute! I need help. Do you have advice for me? -Mollie McKakes

Well the first thing to do is to panic. Just panic. Run around in circles yelling, "I LOVE ORLANDO BLOOM AND I LIKE HIS BUTT!" Make sure that you do that while people watch you, and if they're all scared it's all normal.

Also, get a tattoo with the Elvish NINE on your butt and then get it lasered off to "remind you off your obsession washing away like dirt on your skin in a shower".

If you follow these things, you will recover. I hope you're happy. heheheheheeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Get well!

-Briana